In 3 short days, I am going to be 19 years from my 18th birthday. That’s right, I will be further from 18 than I am close to it, yikes!!!! Don’t get me wrong, the past 19 years have been great! Let’s see; I planned a wedding, got married, started a family, graduated from college, and became a nurse. We also moved 4 times, bought a couple of cars, built a house, and changed churches.
I have seen people come into and walk out of my life. Some of whom I have been happy to see go, and others I still grieve over. How can 19 years sound like such a long time, but in reality go by so fast?
It seems like just yesterday Clint was proposing! We got married and bought our first home. Then, all of a sudden, Jaden was taking his first steps and we were finding out that he was going to have a sister. Then, a few months after Isabella was born, we got the surprise that has always been Olivia. Now, Jaden is talking about drivers training, and the girls are starting to rethink this whole sharing a room thing!
This birthday just feels different. Like I can’t possibly be that far from a time in my life that held so much possibility. Mostly, because I still see such hope and possibility in front of me! And, of course, suddenly 40 is really, REALLY close!
And time keeps flying, and we wait for the next milestone….
Sometimes, I feel like all I do is wait. For a baby, to finish school and become a nurse, to get a job in the NICU, to be able to stay home with the kids, to be comfortable with where and who I am…waiting, waiting, and then more waiting.
I can be really impatient most times (okay, ALL the time), and that leads to me trying to fix things. I try to get everything exactly HOW I think it should be, exactly WHEN I think it should be. I get so frustrated realizing that there are some things completely out of my control!
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Then, this really wise and handsome guy (who I get to call my husband), pointed out that without waiting it’s really hard to trust.
I always seem to forget there are situations where the only solution is waiting and trusting. Waiting to see God come through; because He is enough. Trusting He has my best interest in His heart; because His love never fails.
That His timing is perfect.
The thing is, when I take a step back and look at that list up there; that list full of waiting. His hand is everywhere in that list. During those times of waiting, those times that seemed so frustrating, the times that felt so quiet, where He seemed silent and almost indifferent to my waiting…to our waiting. Those are the times that forced the most growth. The times where all we could do was wait, those are the times we were forced to find refuge in Him. Those are the times we learned to trust.
That list up there is full of answered prayers.
During these last 3 days of my 36th year (and hopefully from here on out), I will choose happy because He ALWAYS comes through! He is always showing me how trustworthy He is,
even especially in the waiting.