All I do is laundry!!! Seriously, one day Clint came home and couldn’t find me because I wasn’t in the laundry room; I am always in there! I remember the days when I only had to do laundry once a week. Even then it only took a couple of loads…..then came the babies! I know that the amount of laundry dramatically increases with newborns, but now those babies with their cute little sleepers, and tiny t-shirts have grown into jeans that are almost bigger than mine, and too many socks to count! My word, the socks are quietly taking over my house and sneaking into every corner of my couch. Apparently, the minute the kids get home their feet must be bare and socks are thrown to stay where they land; until found by me! I am the designated Sock Recovery Agent! Oh, and lunch packer, school homework helper, remote finder, food maker, grocery shopper……the list goes on and on!
I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss the days when Amber Myers RN-BSN, RNC-OB was among that list of my titles. Since we made the decision that I was going to be working as a mom, instead of as a nurse AND mom, my days have sometimes felt less significant. After all, wearing sweatpants most of the day is much easier than wearing scrubs (Oh, wait they are pretty much the same thing…..I did have a pretty awesome job; and yes, I admit I wear sweatpants more often than not, especially if I am not leaving the house, don’t hate).
For quite awhile I couldn’t escape the thought that maybe it was too late! Maybe the kids were too old. I mean, I wasn’t nursing a baby and I didn’t have toddlers at home. Maybe my time to be Mommy had passed and I had missed it. They really don’t need ME anymore. I would be much more useful at work because that is where I am needed most, right? Did we make the right decision? Do I really NEED to be home? I missed it! I’m too late: they don’t need me!
You know what? God always has perfect timing. I am still learning to trust that timing!
I loved those days! The days when I was able to watch two people become a family. The days when I could hold the hand of a new mom and watch her hold her baby for the first time. The days when I really rocked it as a nurse and heard how my patient’s loved me! And yes, I loved the days when I could eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with relatively no distractions because I was working 12hrs. The days when I didn’t have to worry about anyones bathroom habits but my own 🙂 It all sounds pretty magical, doesn’t it? Trust me it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies…..but, why would I want to trade all that away?
I am enjoying these days too! I used to long for these days. The days when I would be able to pick the kids up from school when they were sick and go on field trips (It was inevitable, I was always scheduled to work during field trips and school parties), or when I would be able grocery shop and run errands without planning the week out down to the minute. The days when I could spend lunch with my husband, and go for walks. The days when I could be just Amber; wife to Clint, and mom to Jaden, Bella, and Livi.
And then, all of the sudden I could have these days! And instead of being happy and feeling beyond blessed (because I am completely aware of how blessed I am) I felt guilty. Oh!!! I felt guilty and useless. Our culture is so competitive and unfair to us as women. We are conditioned to feel that if we aren’t running around like crazy people we are not doing enough! Don’t even get me started on the competitive superwoman we are supposed to be in order to have any kind of value in the eyes of this world….that’s a whole other post!
I had to learn that when I get into the funk of feeling less significant because I am not running to a crash c-section, or helping a sick baby I just need to remember these faces!
They are my life! I know that my time here with them is God ordained for THIS time! So, even though I live in the laundry room now instead of the operating room, and I put band aids on instead of starting IV’s, I am still doing significant work!
I am just finding joy in matching socks!